


You’re not my Daddy

by wonxas



Series: new phone who dis [2]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band), Big Bang (Band), Day6 (Band), EXO (Band), GOT7, K.A.R.D (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Gay, Gen, Texting, army’s gonna get offended but i was an army once, chat fic, g a y, if you thought the last chat fic wasn’t gay well this ones gayer, my left stroke just went viral lol, seungri made a mistake but don’t we all, you’re not my daddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-01-15 12:43:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12321330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonxas/pseuds/wonxas
Summary: drums:you’re being homophobicbig daddy:???drums:im gay and you’re inconviencing me(or what used to be Gay Intensifies but i got bored with that)





	1. we all make mistakes but...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **i hit that stage:** what did i do to deserve
> 
> _[ **god** has entered the chat]_
> 
>   
> **god:** it’s not about what you deserve, it’s about what you believe in
> 
>   
>  _[ **god** has left the chat]_
> 
>   
> **i hit that stage:** did he just??? use a wonder woman quote on me ???? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will i ever update my not crack fanfics... who knows
> 
> un-beat’ed but still gay af

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ) added i hit that stage, golden97, drums, big daddy, lolisa, and jiwon to maknae appreciation**

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** hey!!!!!

**lolisa:** w h y

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** i have no idea what youre talking about lisa

**golden97:** wait

**golden97:** this is…

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** big bang’s only!!! seungri!!

**golden97:** seungri

**golden97:** as in, big bangs seungri

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** i just said that but okay

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** sehun !!! come out!!!!

**big daddy:** n o

**big daddy:** my gay ass doesn’t deserve this slander smh

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** smh

**jiwon:** gay

**i hit that stage:** gay

**golden97:** gay

**lolisa:** gay

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** gay

**big daddy:** gay

**drums:** gay

**drums:** hi i’m dogbkgdbk

**drums:** hurt my child and i will kill you all

**i hit that stage:** brian,,,, jae

**i hit that stage:** get of dowoon’s phone

**drums:** you’re like two you can’t tell me what to do

**big daddy:** touché

**drums:** fighsmskkdbdne

**drums:** oh i’m sorry

**drums:** im dowoon and i’m day6’s drummer

**everyone(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** im seungri from big bang!

**golden97:** jungkook

**i hit that stage:** yugyeom dance king

**jiwon:** jiwon from kard or as bm said “karf”

**lolisa:** im lisa!! blackpink in your area!

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** yes lisa, we know

**drums:** drumming intensifies

**big daddy:** gay intensifies

**big daddy:** im sehun, but you can call me, big daddy

**i hit that stage:** i’ll take you up on that offer, big daddy ;))))

**drums:** yugyeom stop acting like a sexual predator

**golden97:** you just got roasted by a guy in a lamer group than yours

**drums:** i’ll have you know, my group works their asses making new songs every month, learning the music and lyrics, filming, having concerts, and being bomb ass people

**drums:** what does your group do? comeback every year twice with the amount of stuff we do in a month?

**golden97:** i don’t even regret it

**golden97:** army’s gonna get triggered tho rip

**i hit that stage:** bam’s crfyibn

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** crfyibn

**lolisa:** crfyibn

**jiwon:** crfyibn

**drums:** crfyibn

**big daddy:** crfyibn

**golden97:** crfyibn

**i hit that stage:** what did i do to deserve

_[ **god** has entered the chat]_

**god:** it’s not about what you deserve, it’s about what you believe in

_[ **god** has left the chat]_

**i hit that stage:** did he just??? use a wonder woman quote on me ???? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> crfyibn
> 
>  
> 
> twitter


	2. The Jeons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **golden97:** i want to see the boys
> 
> **jiwon:** you gay
> 
> **golden97:** you are too
> 
>  
> 
> _[ **jiwon** changed **golden97** ’s name to **gay jeon** ]_
> 
>  
> 
> _[ **gay jeon** changed **jiwon** ’s name to **lesbian jeon** ]_  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the last song i tried cleaning it up because i’m white im sorry if i missed something you can bash me if i did
> 
> also i was very dissapointed by vld season four sorry if you weren’t
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{maknae appreciation}  
[10:36]_

**jiwon:** jeon

 **golden97:** jeon

**jiwon:** it’s jeon time

**jiwon:** this time we’re surprising fans

**golden97:** lets go

**golden97:** so currently we are in the park looking for any ~fans~

**golden97:** i want to see the boys

**jiwon:** you gay

**golden97:** you are too

_[ **jiwon** changed **golden97** ’s name to **gay jeon** ]_

_[ **gay jeon** changed **jiwon** ’s name to **lesbian jeon** ]_

**gay jeon:** we match

 **lesbian jeon:** n i c e

**gay jeon:** if i wasn’t gay i’d smash you

**lesbian jeon:** ew you’re like my brother that’s nasty smh

**lesbian jeon:** we found an army

**lesbian jeon:** she’s hyperventilating

**lesbian jeon:** gay jeon’s trying to help her but it’s making it worse lmao

**gay jeon:** that’s not funny smh

**lesbian jeon:** smh

**lesbian jeon:** awww they’re hugging

**gay jeon:** Shut up  
Just shut up  
Shut up [3x]  
Shut it up, just shut up  
Shut up  
Just shut up  
Shut up [3x]  
Shut it up, just shut up

We try to take it slow  
But we're still losin' control  
And we try to make it work  
But it still ends up the worst  
And I'm craaazzzy  
For tryin to be your lady  
I think I'm goin crazy

Girl, me and you were just fine (you know)  
We wine and dine  
Did them things that couples do when in love (you know)  
Walks on the beach and stuff (you know)  
Things that lovers say and do  
I love you boo, I love you too  
I miss you a lot, I miss you even more  
That's why I flew you out  
When we was on tour  
But then something got out of hand  
You start yellin when I'm with my friends  
Even though I had legitimate reasons (bull shit)  
You know I have to make them dividends (bull shit)  
How could you trust our private lives girl  
That's why you don't believe my lies  
And quit this lecture

We try to take it slow  
But we're still losin' control  
And we try to make it work  
But it still ends up the worst  
And I'm craaazzzy  
For tryin to be your lady  
I think I'm goin crazy

Why does he know she gotta move so fast  
Love is progress if you could make it last  
Why is it that you just lose control  
Every time you agree on takin it slow  
So why does it got to be so damn tough  
Cause fools in lust could never get enough of love  
Showin him the love that you be givin  
Changing up your livin  
For a lovin transistion  
Girl lip so much she tryin to get you to listen  
Few mad at each other has become our tradition  
You yell, I yell, everybody yells  
Got neighbors across the street sayin  
â??Who the hell?!?â??  
Who the hell?  
What the hell's going down?  
Too much of the bickering  
Kill it with the sound and

We try to take it slow  
But we're still losin' control  
And we try to make it work  
But it still ends up the worst  
And I'm craaazzzy  
For tryin to be your lady  
I think I'm goin crazy

Girl our love is dyin  
Why did you stop tryin  
I never been a quitah  
But I do deserve betta  
Believe me I will do bad  
Let's forget the past  
And let's start this new plan  
Why? 'cause it's the same old routine  
And then next week I hear them scream  
Girl I know you're tired of the things they say  
You're damn right  
'cause I heard them lame dame excuses just yesterday  
That was a different thing  
No it ain't  
That was a different thing  
No it ain't  
That was a different thing  
It was the same damn thing  
Same ass excuses  
Boy you're usless  
Whhoooaaaa

We try to take it slow  
But we're still losin' control  
And we try to make it work  
But it still ends up the worst  
And I'm craaazzzy  
For tryin to be your lady  
I think I'm goin crazy

Stop the talking baby  
Or I start walking baby (x12)

Is that all there is (x12)

**lesbian jeon:** what

**gay jeon:** shut up by black eye peas

**lesbian jeon:** there’s no correlation smh

**lesbian jeon:** im bored let’s go scare drunk people

**gay jeon:** halloween store here we come

**gay jeon:** we got masks

**lesbian jeon:** and water balloons and toilet paper

**gay jeon:** isn’t that illegal

**lesbian jeon:** not if anyone finds out :)

**gay jeon:** remind me not to get on your bad side

**gay jeon:** also i got the speaker

**gay jeon:** gotta shout deserve and wolf from the rooftops

**lesbian jeon:** we will summon kris wu

**gay jeon:** kris

**lesbian jeon:** wu

**lesbian jeon:** maybe if we play peach then the whole china line will get summoned

**gay jeon:** he was so pure

**gay jeon:** so pure

**lesbian jeon:** oh yeah somin’s with us

**lesbian jeon:** my one and only

**gay jeon:** they’re being disgustingly cute

**lesbian jeon:** we are on a rooftop

**gay jeon:** the drunks are coming

**gay jeon:** somins getting the water balloons ready for us

**lesbian jeon:** it’s somin

**lesbian jeon:** they are currently dropping the water

**lesbian jeon:** drunks have looked up and are screaming

**lesbian jeon:** jungkook dropped a roll of toilet paper on them

**lesbian jeon:** they’re laughing

**gay jeon:** it was hilarious idk how your not laughing

**lesbian jeon:** i was hiding bc i didn’t have a mask smh

**lesbian jeon:** that’s fine babe

**lesbian jeon:** <333

**gay jeon:** this is confusing

**lesbian jeon:** it’s me kookie

**lesbian jeon:** your ride or die

**gay jeon:** If I call would you ride, baby? Need you right by my side, baby Show 'em how to ride or die, baby Hold me down, never lie, baby If I call would you ride, baby? Need you right by my side, baby Show 'em how to ride or die, baby Hold me down, never lie, baby don't give a damn what they say She can never take my place I know that I'ma ride or die baby can't you see? Can't nobody, do it like me I be the one that, be bringin' it back babe, I got what you want Don't ever test me, I got your back daddy, just say what you want All that I need, is you baby I'll never leave, you baby If I call would you ride, baby? Need you right by my side, baby Show 'em how to ride or die, baby Hold me down, never lie, baby If I call would you ride, baby? Need you right by my side, baby Show 'em how to ride or die, baby Hold me down, never lie, baby She can't take your spot, I won't let her try Throw you hella guap, I keep you on top Diamonds all she rock, diamonds in my watch He run up, he get popped, watch his body drop I’m juggin' of the block, she juggin' on the clock Fuckin' around with my baby, you end up beheaded Cruisin' in my Mercedes, baby, my seats is red All headshots my bitch if you ain't get the message I can't wait to put my hands on you baby Let me show you all around the Zoo baby I'm that man and you know it's true baby You need me and I need you, baby If I call would you ride, baby? Need you right by my side, baby Show 'em how to ride or die, baby Hold me down, never lie, baby If I call would you ride, baby? Need you right by my side, baby Show 'em how to ride or die, baby Hold me down, never lie, baby

**lesbian jeon:** you’re not my daddy smh

**gay jeon:** smh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot somin’s and jiwoo’s last names were the same and i almost had a heart attack


	3. You’ll Find Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _[ **big daddy** added **~gucci~** to the chat]_   
> 
> 
>   
> **~gucci~:** what’s a maknae lol
> 
>  **big daddy:** sigh
> 
>  **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** yea whys he here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to fucking re-format this shit because it deleted the first time and i just can’t
> 
> also i updated everything because i made m i s t a k e s and i’m uploading this today cause i’m doing stuff over the weekend
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{maknae appreciation}  
[6:32]_

_[ **big daddy** added **~gucci~** to the chat]_

**~gucci~:** what’s a maknae lol

 **big daddy:** sigh

 **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** yea whys he here

 **big daddy:** exo-m’s ex maknae

 **drums:** oh

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **big daddy:** la la la la la la

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **big daddy:** la la la la la la

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **big daddy:** la la la la la la

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **lesbian jeon:** ooh ooh

 **gay jeon:** im just tryna get you in the mood

 **lesbian jeon:** ooh ooh

 **gay jeon:** baby show me what it do

 **i hit that stage:** now blow it like a flute 

**drums:** wooh ooh

 **lesbian jeon:** ooh ooh ooh

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **lolisa:** show me what it do

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **lesbian jeon:** ooh ooh ooh

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** im just out here with my crew matter fact the troup tryna get the loot swerving on you fools never hitting snooze yea I act fool got an attitude but I get excused everywhere I go they yelling lu i tell em move, move got somewhere to go im making moves i been cooking up a stew tell your girl come through better get a hold or imma make that flower bloom

 **i hit that stage:** oh yea 

**~gucci~:** she wanna ride she wanna fly so i where

 **big daddy:** come inside i’ll changed your life better prepare

 **~gucci~:** put in work like the renaissance

 **big daddy:** bend that body like a gymnast

 **i hit that stage:** she ask me what i want

 **i hit that stage:** now blow it like a flute

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **lesbian jeon:** ooh ooh ooh

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **lolisa:** show me what it do

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **lesbian jeon:** ooh ooh ooh

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** didn’t yall get the news this been overdue left a while ago and set up shop on the moon on the moon yeah the deer be everywhere everybody scared run n say your prayers Ima make it clear this ain’t for no goons like

 **lolisa:** you ooh come at me i’ll press you like some juice and I’m fresher than some kools smoke you with that ooz watch how your girl drool when i pull up in that coupe lu

 **i hit that stage:** oh yea 

**~gucci~:** she wanna ride she wanna fly so i where

 **big daddy:** come inside i’ll changed your life better prepare

 **~gucci~:** put in work like the renaissance

 **big daddy:** bend that body like a gymnast

 **i hit that stage:** she ask me what i want

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **big daddy:** la la la la la la

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **big daddy:** la la la la la la

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **big daddy:** la la la la la la

 **~gucci~:** la la la la

 **gay jeon:** she wanna ride

 **i hit that stage:** she wanna fly fly fly fly fly

 **gay jeon:** she wanna ride

 **i hit that stage:** she wanna fly fly fly fly fly

 **gay jeon:** she wanna ride

 **i hit that stage:** she wanna fly fly fly fly fly

 **gay jeon:** she wanna ride

 **i hit that stage:** she wanna fly fly fly fly fly

 **i hit that stage:** blow it like a flute

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **lesbian jeon:** ooh ooh ooh

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **i hit that stage:** blow it like a flute

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **lesbian jeon:** ooh ooh ooh

 **drums:** wooh ooh

 **lolisa:** ooh ooh ooh ooh

 **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** ooh

 **lolisa:** ooh ooh ooh ooh

 **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** ooh

 **lolisa:** ooh ooh ooh ooh

 **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** ooh

 **lolisa:** ooh ooh ooh ooh

 **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** ooh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do not associate with either having a dick or sucking dick


	4. gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **drums:** $15 taemin’s dicking with jongin
> 
>  **big daddy:** 15 he’s not
> 
>  **drums:** you’re on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i trying to hit that high note in el dorado hold up..... i’m back okay so mOOd
> 
> no one spoil stranger things for me smh
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{maknae appreciation}  
[19:32]_

**drums:** $15 taemin’s dicking with jongin

 **big daddy:** 15 he’s not

 **drums:** you’re on

**big daddy relayed a chat!**  
_big daddy: is taemin dicking with you_

_nini: isn’t he always?_

_big daddy: …_

_nini: don’t worry! i love you lots too!_

_big daddy: don’t let soo hear you say that_

_nini: i love you all!!! a lot!!!!_

**drums:** that’s cute 

**big daddy:** fuck 

**big daddy:** how to delete yourself from in existence

 **drums:** die…?

 **big daddy:** i’ll still be remembered 

**big daddy:** even after kyungsoo kills me

 **drums:** if it makes you feel any better… me wonpil and sungjin are in a romantic relationship and brian and jae and us all are in a platonic relationship???

 **big daddy:** you remind me of jongin

 **big daddy:** cute

 **big daddy:** thanks for telling man

 **drums:** no problem

 **drums:** i can be your worst fucking problem don’t cross me bitch

 **big daddy:** 0 to 100 real quick

 **big daddy:** i think i’m nutting

 **drums:** Shut the fuck up  
You're a fucking cunt  
Shut the fuck up  
You're a stupid cunt, suck my dick

Shut the fuck up  
Stop being a fucking cunt  
Shut the fuck up  
Nobody even wants you here

(What?)  
I just want to let you know, you're a stupid fucking cunt  
Go ahead and run your mouth, pussy, I don't give a fuck  
You're a stupid piece of shit, you're a stupid fucking bitch  
Get the fuck up off my dick, get the fuck up off my dick, like  
Please end your fucking life, please end your fucking life  
I really gotta emphasise, no one cares if you're alive  
You're a fucking penis-hole, grab a dick and eat it whole  
I need to know if you were dropped when you were just a fetus though  
You're so fucking ugly and your face is fucking foul, jeez  
You're so fucking loud, can you shut your fucking mouth, can you

Shut the fuck up  
You're a fucking cunt  
Shut the fuck up  
You're a stupid cunt, suck my dick  
Shut the fuck up  
Stop being a fucking cunt  
Shut the fuck up  
Nobody even wants you here

(Yeah)  
Close your fucking mouth, you're just really fucking dense  
If you hate me, why you talking? You don't make no fucking sense  
Got a sad life, sad life, go to fucking hell  
Are you stupid or disabled, man, I can't fucking tell  
(Meh)  
You're a fucking dumb shit, you don't even run shit  
Get the fuck up out of my face and go to hell and eat a dick  
Come and catch these hands, boy  
Come and match these bands, boy  
I'm not crazy, I just do it all because I can, boy  
I hope you fucking die in a high-speed car crash  
I hope you fucking fall head-first and get your neck cracked  
I hope you have some beautiful children that die from cancer  
I hope you catch Zika when your wife gets pregnant  
I hope you win the lottery and die the next day  
And your daughter has to see you getting lowered in your grave

(Like, uh, ooh- that was a little dark  
I'm sorry. Tha-that was a little dark. Very poor taste)  
Shut the fuck up  
(I shouldn't have said that)  
You're a fucking cunt  
(Actually, no, I should have.)  
Shut the fuck up  
(Actually, I didn't say enough.)  
You're a stupid cunt, suck my dick  
Shut the fuck up  
Stop being a fucking cunt  
Shut the fuck up  
Nobody even wants you here

 **big daddy:** thanks 

**drums:** my booes won’t answer me :(((

 **big daddy:** 100 to 0 real quick

 **big daddy:** what a baby

 **drums:** you’re being homophobic

 **big daddy:** ???

 **drums:** im gay and you’re inconviencing me

 **big daddy:** i swear i will spoil stranger this for you

 **drums:** nooooo!!!! i haven’t had time to watch it yet!!!!

 **big daddy:** smh i thought 

**drums:** :((((((

 **big daddy:** n o

 **drums:** :(((((((((((((

 **big daddy:** i said n o

 **drums:** .・゜゜・（／。＼）・゜゜・．

 **big daddy:** f i n e

 **big daddy:** just don’t make any noise jongins sleeping

 **drums:** okay!!!! 

**drums:** can i still cuddle with him???

 **big daddy:** f i n e

 **drums:** i’ll be over in 15

 **big daddy:** why????

 **drums:** i don’t have a car dumbass

 **big daddy:** damn i’ll just have chanyeol pick you  
up

 **big daddy:** you know how he loves acting like a sugar daddy

 **drums:** oh i miss chanyeol!!!!

 **big daddy:** he missed you too smh

 **drums:** !!!!

 **big daddy:** Jeffy, The Puppet: Hey daddy, I smack these Hoe's! I stuck my pee-pee in some Cheerios!!! I got a pencil in my nose, And i, beat my diaper everywhere go!I like to hop hop like a bunny!I pooped my pants and now it's runny! I go OOH-OOH think that's funny? I stuff my diaper with all my money! WHY, WHY [4 X]Cat piano solo meow [13 X] Aw Jeffy stop it!!! Got a helmet on top of my head. I spank my pee-pee until it was red! Eat green beans, I'd rather be DEAD! It's TEN o'Clock and i'm ready for bed! [???] Hey daddy so uh, uh, uh, I'ma show you how to poop on the track!  
I got bunny on my karats on i'm ready for bed!!!

 **drums:** what the fuck

 **big daddy:** don’t ask me ask tao

 **drums:** he could have done that on his phone

 **big daddy:** he’s lost it 

**drums:** that’s such a gay thing to do 

**big daddy:** Ayy, I've been fuckin' hoes and poppin' pillies  
Man, I feel just like a rockstar (star)  
Ayy, ayy, all my brothers got that gas  
And they always be smokin' like a Rasta  
Fuckin' with me, call up on a Uzi  
And show up, man them the shottas  
When my homies pull up on your block  
They make that thing go grrra-ta-ta-ta (pow, pow, pow)  
Ayy, ayy, switch my whip, came back in black  
I'm startin' sayin', "Rest in peace to Bon Scott"  
Ayy, close that door, we blowin' smoke  
She ask me light a fire like I'm Morrison  
Ayy, act a fool on stage  
Prolly leave my fuckin' show in a cop car  
Ayy, shit was legendary  
Threw a TV out the window of the Montage  
Cocaine on the table, liquor pourin', don't give a damn  
Dude, your girlfriend is a groupie, she just tryna get in  
Sayin', "I'm with the band"  
Ayy, ayy, now she actin' outta pocket  
Tryna grab up from my pants  
Hundred bitches in my trailer say they ain't got a man  
And they all brought a friend  
Yeah, ayy  
Ayy, I've been fuckin' hoes and poppin' pillies  
Man, I feel just like a rockstar (star)  
Ayy, ayy, all my brothers got that gas  
And they always be smokin' like a Rasta  
Fuckin' with me, call up on a Uzi  
And show up, man them the shottas  
When my homies pull up on your block  
They make that thing go grrra-ta-ta-ta (pow, pow, pow)  
I've been in the Hills fuckin' superstars  
Feelin' like a pop star (21, 21, 21)  
Drankin' Henny, bad bitches jumpin' in the pool  
And they ain't got on no bra  
Hit her from the back, pullin' on her tracks  
And now she screamin' out, "no más" (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
They like, "Savage, why you got a 12 car garage  
And you only got 6 cars?" (21)  
I ain't with the cakin', how you kiss that? (kiss that?)  
Your wifey say I'm lookin' like a whole snack (big snack)  
Green hundreds in my safe, I got old racks (old racks)  
L.A. bitches always askin' where the coke at  
Livin' like a rockstar, smash out on a cop car  
Sweeter than a Pop-Tart, you know you are not hard  
I done made the hot chart, 'member I used to trap hard  
Livin' like a rockstar, I'm livin' like a rockstar  
Ayy, I've been fuckin' hoes and poppin' pillies  
Man, I feel just like a rockstar (star)  
Ayy, ayy, all my brothers got that gas  
And they always be smokin' like a Rasta  
Fuckin' with me, call up on a Uzi  
And show up, man them the shottas  
When my homies pull up on your block  
They make that thing go grrra-ta-ta-ta (pow, pow, pow)  
Rockstar  
Rockstar, feel just like a rock  
Rockstar  
Star  
Rockstar  
Feel just like a

 **drums:** gAy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m gay and can’t write
> 
> edit: has anyone noticed how short baekhyuns legs are i mean i’m like a cm or two taller than him but my legs are soooo long like how big is his torso ???


	5. i need serious help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **lesbian jeon:** LAME
> 
> **~gucci~:** omg SHUT UP
> 
> **lesbian jeon:** HELL NO
> 
> **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** y’all annoying af

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m not kidding i will make videos like this and i know this isn’t my most commented fic bUT a person can try
> 
> please i’m desperate
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{maknae appreciation}  
[13:41]_

**~gucci~:** what if someone made like videos of that stupid google translate voice reading fanfiction

 **lesbian jeon:** sounds lame but okay

**~gucci~:** you’re lame

**big daddy:** shut up omg

**~gucci~:** it has to be chat fic fanfic tho

**lesbian jeon:** LAME

**~gucci~:** omg SHUT UP

**lesbian jeon:** HELL NO

**everything(✿´ ꒳ ` ):** y’all annoying af

**i hit that stage:** hey hey hey

**i hit that stage:** let’s just have the readers decide if that’s a good idea

**gay jeon:** readers who the fuck

**i hit that stage:** oh FUCK

**lolisa:** abort abort ABORT

**i hit that stage:** According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick our job today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years…

_[cut for length]_

**drums:** why the FUCK did hansol give you that

**i hit that stage:** crisis averted go team

**lolisa:** go team

**i hit that stage:** in other news i heard the flash loves blackpink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like i actually need your confirmation that this is a good idea or nah so please comment i’m desperate


	6. 300 lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **~gucci~:** im gay and write poetry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys im gay and inconvenienced so yesh homophobia kicking my ass
> 
> also a psa: im not a fake gay smh
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{maknae appreciation}  
[13:45]_

**~gucci~:** im gay and write poetry

_[ **everything(✿´ ꒳ ` )** changed their name to **epic drum solo** ]_

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 **~gucci~:** snapchat me that pussy  
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 **epic drum solo:** fake gay  
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 **~gucci~:** i wish i could italicize the page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can see why people would never take my writing seriously now


	7. luhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **~gucci~:** so im watching and i think
> 
> **~gucci~:** wow im so gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gay lol but yeah i actually watched the movie it was shitty but luhan ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> based off true events
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{maknae appreciation}  
[00:05]_

**~gucci~:** so im watching this shitty movie

 **~gucci~:** but it has luhan in it ya know

**lesbian jeon:** i know

**~gucci~:** so im watching and i think

**~gucci~:** wow im so gay

**gay jeon:** that it

**~gucci~:** ye

**drums:** dont you think this would get more hits if it focused on only one fandom

**big daddy:** and more yixing

**lolisa:** yeah but whats the fun in that

**epic drum solo:** she right she right

**i hit that stage:** yeah i mean like,,, why would i want somethings ive already seem before over and over

**i hit that stage:** except pizza

**i hit that stage:** i love pizza

**drums:** except pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short and sweet  
> but time to sleep


	8. snip snip snip hope this doesnt get copyrighted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dinosaur:** fucking watch me bitchass
> 
> **epic drum solo:** is this what uncreative minds do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to said copyrighted person of great seventeen chat fic buT IT EAS HELLA FUNNY WHEN I SENT IT TO THE CHAT LIKE DAMN HE LEFT FIVE TIMES THIS BITCH hes still not back
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{maknae appreciation}  
[15:46]_

**~gucci~:** so im sitting in my house

 **~gucci~:** texting my friends im going rollerskating with

**big daddy:** you sent us memes from a seventeen group chat fic

**~gucci~:** it was hella funny

**big daddy:** no it wasn’t

**lesbian jeon:** snip snip snip there goes ur dick

**~gucci~:** jiwoo gets it

**lesbian jeon:** hell yeah i do

**lesbian jeon:** its bc im gay

**dinosaur:** since when does jiwoo, sehun, and tao read seventeen fanfiction

**~gucci~:** hOLY FUCKIG SIT

**~gucci~:** WHO ARE YLY YS LITTLE FUCKER

**dinosaur:** chan from seventeen

**lesbian jeon:** i knew the little fucker would find us 

**big daddy:** gotta blast fucks

**dinosaur:** snip snip snip im gonna scab your fucking dick

**~gucci~:** SHUT THE FHELL UP

**~gucci~:** FHID ID COPYWRITE YOU CANT COPY SOMEONES FUCKING WORK YANDICK ASS RVEM IF ITD ABOUT YOU 

**dinosaur:** fucking watch me bitchass

**epic drum solo:** is this what uncreative minds do

**drums:** its so hard to attend to the needs of many different fandoms bitch

**lolisa:** the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been trying to come up with ideas but as you can see,,,, drier than my dms


	9. updating systems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **would you like to update your messaging system?  
>  _yes_ no**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all!!!!! done!!!! for!!!!! today!!!!! hope you lieked bem lollol
> 
> edit: i fucking updated this on the wrong thing im so sorry im about to fuvling cdy cant do anythig tgjt
> 
> un-beta’ed

**would you like to update your messaging system?  
_yes_ no**

**are you sure?  
_yes_ no**

**10%... 37%... 69%... 97%... 100%  
complete! **

**welcome to your new messaging system!**

* * *

**maknae appreciation  
[20:23]**

**big daddy**  
what the actual fuck happened

 **epic drum solo**  
fuck if i know

 **drums**  
it just fucking updated shits

 **big daddy**  
n o d i p

 **lolisa**  
i like it!

 **i hit that stage**  
of course you would

 **lesbian jeon**  
what is that supposed to mean huh???

 **lesbian jeon**  
you a women hater???

 **gay jeon**  
you aint gonna win bro

 **i hit that stage**  
oh fuck off

 **~gucci~**  
someone saw a fucking sex scene on the tv and said it was me and luhan

 **~gucci~**  
calling 911

 **big daddy**  
what kind of bitch thinks they have the right to say that????

 **epic drum solo**  
blocked. reported. deleted.

 **lolisa**  
you know shits real now

 **dinosaur**  
i hate people who do that :////// they’re so inconsiderate :///// like go die in a fucking hole ://///

 **drums**  
i know smh,,, wait when did you get here..... LAOS LANGUAGE SMH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact my brother said this to me like two minutes go about me and this dude (they dont know im gay) i want to k i l l h i m


	10. elf plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **big daddy**  
>  im going to adopt EVERY SINGLE MIXED KID
> 
>  **big daddy**  
>  I LOVE TJDM ALLLL
> 
>  **~gucci~**  
>  aspire to be that great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more plot ???? who would have thought??? also please dont comment on people who dont talk around strangers or anything lime thta its tude and even i wouldnt go that low
> 
> un-beta’ed

**maknae appreciation  
[23:32]**

**lesbian jeon**  
wHY AREN’T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE???

 **dinosaur**  
IM JUST TRYING TO BECOME A DENTIST

 **lesbian jeon**  
GO TO FUCKING ELF PRACTICE

 **dinosaur**  
YLU ATE MY MOM

 **lesbian jeon**  
YD SI AM

 **lesbian jeon**  
YOU’RE LEAVING IN NEGATIVE SIX MINUTES FLR ELF LTACTICE

 **dinosaur**  
FUCONNNNN FINE

 **i hit that stage**  
w h y

 **big daddy**  
im going to adopt EVERY SINGLE MIXED KID

 **big daddy**  
I LOVE TJDM ALLLL

 **~gucci~**  
aspire to be that great

 **i hit that stage**  
I JUST WANTED TO DANCE 

**drums**  
WAIT

 **lolisa**  
WHAT WE’RE LISTENING

 **drums**  
this chat is only big enough for one drum

 **drums**  
change hpu dick

 **epic drum solo**  
hell no youre like two why would i listen to a fucking kid fjat mever speaks

**[drums has left the chat]**

**epic drum solo**  
guess i didnt need to leave

 **lolisa**  
seungri you fucking dick

 **epic drum solo**  
what did i do

 **epic drum solo**  
guys?

 **epic drum solo**  
GUYS?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you fucking thought but yeah let me adopt you if you want 100% guarantee im younger than you hmu @jaehyeet on insta


	11. doesn’t end here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **epic drum solo**  
>  i have know idea what you mean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lolololol sorry its short just,,, you’ll see
> 
> un-beta’ed

**private chat to drums  
[23:41]**

**lesbian jeon**  
hey dowoon? are you okay?

 **drums**  
i dont know because i never fucking speak.

 **drums**  
can’t speak, can’t sing, can’t even play drums.

 **drums**  
i’m a fucking failure

 **lesbian jeon**  
no honey you’re not 

**lesbian jeon**  
you’re amazing and you can do whatever you want. you’ll never be a failure, at least in my eyes. and that’s the only thing that matters. go cuddle with sungjin and wonpil now. lisa is taking care of things

 

**private chat to epic drum solo  
[21:42]**

**lolisa**  
how fucking dare you.

 **lolisa**  
you just don’t know when to shut your goddamn mouth do you?

 **epic drum solo**  
i have know idea what you mean

 **lolisa**  
can’t you see dowoon hates that he’s shy? that he hates not being able to speak? hates being degrading saying that he can’t play the drums?

 **epic drum solo**  
i never saw that

 **epic drum solo**  
stop making up words up lisa

**block lolisa? this means you will be removed from every chat she is in.  
would you still like to proceed?  
 _yes_ no**

**blocking lolisa…**

**complete! you have been exited from every chat lolisa is in. enjoy!**

**maknae appreciation  
[21:53]**

 **lolisa**  
he fucking blocked me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!


	12. never ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **drums**  
>  i’ll just do it myself then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry,,,, goodnight

**maknae appreciation  
[22:10]**

**[drums was added to the chat]**

**lesbian jeon**  
hey honey

 **drums**  
where’s /

 **lolisa**  
i’m sorry

 **drums**  
i’ll just do it myself then

 

**private chat to epic drum solo  
[22:16]**

**drums**  
hey

 **drums**  
i just wanted to say that you hurt my feelings. like why would i be in a talented band when i can’t sing and barely play the drums...

 **drums**  
sorry for bothering you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise to be better,,, also i don’t think i’ll be updating for this week also god my brain sucks ass but my life could be worse


End file.
